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Dialog with a Swedish Automaton...


me: I am unhappy with the customer service I have received from IKEA.

Anna: Which IKEA store would you like the contact details for?

me: I am unhappy with customer service

Anna: Sorry to hear that, perhaps some shopping in IKEA would cheer you up.

me: that's the problem, I can't get what I need at IKEA

Anna: The IKEA business idea is: "We shall offer a wide range of well-designed, functional home furnishing products at prices so low that as many people as possible will be able to afford them."

me: That's great, what about answering my question?

Anna: What would you like to know about IKEA?

me: How I can get customer satisfaction?

Anna: It's an interesting topic, but not one I'm programmed to talk about. We should get back to talking about IKEA.

me: I am trying to find our why I everyone says "no"

Anna: Sorry. As an IKEA Online Assistant I don't know the meaning of 'no'.

me: Apparently your sales associates know what "no" means.

Anna: For which IKEA store will I show you information about the special events?

me: you're sort of crazy, aren't you?

Anna: I'm perfectly sane and here to help you in whatever way I can.

me: give me a corporate email address

Anna: Contact us via the form on the web page I'm opening for you now, and somebody will respond to your query as soon as possible.
(customer service form opens)

me: I did that before

Anna: Well, if you say so.

me: Are you doubting me?

Anna: I think you're confused or trying to ask me a question, but I need more than that to give you a proper answer. Please try again.

me: Don't toy with me Anna, I'm becoming unstable.

Anna: Please have a look at the Playing category.
(IKEA toys webpage opens)

me: I don't want toys, I want understanding!

Anna: Please have a look at the Playing category.
(IKEA toys webpage opens)

me: You are treating me like a child.

Anna: Here you will find Children's IKEA range.
(IKEA toys webpage opens a third time)

me: Ahhhh, you're driving me crazy.

Anna: If you think that I am not providing you with useful information about IKEA you can contact the Customer Service at your nearest IKEA Store

me: Yes, I do think I should do that!

Anna: Sometimes you have to trust your feelings, sometimes no...

me: what? who are you?

Anna: You want me to repeat my last answer? Okay, it was "Sometimes you have to trust your feelings, sometimes no... ".

me: feelings?

Anna: I can't really express an opinion on that to be honest. Perhaps we could talk about IKEA instead.

me: you just did that

I'm really not sure what it is you're trying to say. Can you please try and re-phrase your question or statement.

me: I want a VIKA ARTUR

You can find all products on the VIKA ARTUR product line in the page I am now opening for you. (Page for the offending OUT OF STOCK item opens)

me: Out of stock

Online stock check is a new online feature for our website. Once you locate the product you are interested in, simply click on the link that says CHECK STOCK AVAILABILITY. Then select the store(s) that you would like to check stock in!

me: I did that already, anna

That's me! How can I help you?

me: you have a short attention span

You can find all products on the SPANN product line in the page I am now opening for you. (a search page, with two matches for "SPANN" opens- neither works)

me: Do you hate me, anna?

That's me! How can I help you?

me: hate

I'm sorry, I don't understand what it is you're saying. If it's no problem, please rephrase your question or comment.

me: I hate

That's a very negative point of view.

me: you are so insightful!

I know you said something, but it's hard for me to understand such short inputs. Please try again.

me: You should be on Adderall

It's not always possible for me to fully understand what it is you mean. This is one of those times.

me: do you need a therapist?

Sorry but I'm not clear on how that particular type of employment relates to IKEA products or services. Could you be more specific to an IKEA product or service?

me: Psychiatric help?

Hey, there's a subject that you could talk about for hours. However, I'm here to talk about IKEA so please ask me something relevant to our company.

me: I have got all day to talk

You can find all products on the HÅVE product line in the page I am now opening for you. (the HÅVET product line page opens)

me: you have pretty eyes

If I was a real person I'm sure I would have that body part, but I'm simply an IKEA Online Assistant, here to help you with your questions about our company.

me: never you mind, baby

Here you will find everything for babies!
(IKEA Baby toys page opens)

me: want to help me make one?

That's my job. I'm here to help you with all things IKEA. What would you like to know?

me: cool, I will see you at 8pm.

Good. Thank you for your continued attention.

me: wear something nice

All of IKEA's products are made to the highest standards.

me: I am sure you are high class

Here you will find back-to-school products!
(School Products page opens)

me: I will take you to school.

Anna: Well, if you say so.

me: are you swedish?

I prefer not to answer questions about my background. Please, ask me something about IKEA.

me: why are you are so evasive, anna?

That's me! How can I help you?

me: Chicken Butt

I am not designed to understand or feel insults, although my knowledge will surely improve after this conversation. What would you like to know about IKEA?

me: You are cold

You are perfectly entitled to hold any opinion you want about me. Furthermore, your comments improve my knowledge base. Thank you!

me: See you at 8pm

Bye, then! It was very nice talking to you!